I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this just has baby written all over it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
