you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
