I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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