Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
