Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
operation harelip BJ is a go
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
