Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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