I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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