I accidentally had phone sex last night
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
