Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need a beard to bite.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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