They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
