just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
