Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
