I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
