just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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