Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
