Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
