True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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