Ambien. No doubt about it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
