I like to think it a success when the cops are called
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
