i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
