Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
