i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
