Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
