Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
