i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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