It's just like the Real World with babies
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
