You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
