I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
