I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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