a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
