I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
