hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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