Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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