haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
