Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
