If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
