I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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