i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
