i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
