You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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