btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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