the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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