we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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