The maid of honor just puked.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
