The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
