What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
being pregnant is like rehab
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
