so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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