I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
