i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
