I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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