I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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